Aurora

Wow, its a huge blow to your mind when you realize just how badly you are hated by your family. Its tragic I say, TRAGIC. I just love it how incredible two-face some people can be when you just pick the lock of some ways to get a hold of how they really feel. Its painfully boring how they are when you see their ugly faces. All sickly sweet and pretending to give a shit when all they really want is to push you off a building with a huge grin on their face.

Nobody cares and they never will. If I walk outside and cross the street while all of a sudden a speeding car charges through the light and hits me with such a force I die right there. Where's the trust? I get hit, and I KNOW it will kill me. You just know these things. And my drained soul will be whisked away somewhere. Where? I do not know. Its up to whomever I guess. But I know my fate now. I truly know it and it hurts so bad that I know it and it becomes difficult to breathe.

Its a struggle. Everyday, this is hell. I wish there was some kind of disease or a cancer that would put me out of my misery. I try not to give up so fast but its getting harder and harder. Is it meant to happen? Just like how things happen? I think so. I have a really good feeling this wish will be granted. There is no god, there is no life. Only pain. Only heartbreak. And no matter what it just gets even worse. And things get dark and cold. And thats when you know how alone you really are. Thats when you know what you need to do to stop it. Your 16 again, you've always known this. Why did you stop it when you had the chance to be free? Why? Make it all go away.

Nobody else wants to die. Nobody but me. And I need to stop this all at once. It has to be. Hasta...

I'm loving the nice writers now. I realized it a long time ago that people like Miss Ashley are running rapid. This was funny. Anyway, its sad I tell you, SAD. But funny.

Hey peoples,

Funny how I'm being surprised nearly everyday. Typical American attitudes thrown left and right and all I wanna do is say what I really think. You might think you know someone, and its the complete opposite and its not fair. Why me I'm asking. But why ask when its obvious. Its been the one thing I was trying to avoid. It really is me.

I cannot hold on to a friend if nothing else happened to me. But then there's a lot to think about with this one. Was it really my fault? No, people are just too paronoid to boot and will eventually turn into my worst enemies in a blink of an eye. Isn't that sad?

To be truly honest, the only reason I liked this certain music group was because I thought only one guy was hot. That's where it get really sad. I'm so tired and burned out to pretend that everything is OK. I bottle too much because I put someone else before me always and I'm starting to hate that. My selflessness is killing me even more now and I'm losing support because I kiss everyone's ass. Its not right, I know that now. I've always known that. But I was too clouded in this bubble to make a change. And now I know, you really can't trust anybody in this world. No one will truly understand who you are even if you spill everything at once before you could stop yourself. 

It gets harder, the living part. I'm hardly suicidal but its not easy to ignore the other options place before me. My life has been one huge disaster after the next. With a mother who only cares if I turn into her, a sister who pretty does what she wants and gets away with practically anything, a brother who basically has everything handed to him plus expenses paid, and father who doesn't know the meaning of the word human.

I'm so tired now. I'm tired of trying to hard to be liked. I clearly am the only one I know who writes for me and yet everyone else is getting the fame and nortoriety that comes along. Why? What makes what they have better than what I have to say? I have nobody but me, nobody else could decipher what's in my head better. Sometimes I fight to opens my eyes. Dreading the moments that come blundering through the day. The bad enevitable day displaying across my existance. I don't truly hate myself, I never did. All I wanted was solitude and peace. Just to find my own state of peace of mind without having to deal with everyone else's shit pushed upon me.

But I know its too late to find anyone who could equal me. Friends come with a price, now I know that. And the price is your soul.

The day was strange. It is what it always is. I never forget days like this. Where life feels like its waisted away and sometimes all you want to do is scream to the world what you're feeling. I tend to leave things always to the last minute and I'm doing it again with my Psycho paper. I'm watching the movie Pleasantville now and every time I watch it I can't help but think of how the world would be like in the 50s. I think people would be a lot happier. Things would be cheap and and a lot easier to handle. Sex and drugs would be everywhere and people wouldn't be so uptight. It would be a lot more simplistic to get a job. I think I would have more friends and I wouldn't need the internet to feel like I belong. There is so much shit going on now. Everything is hard and cold. Life is not tangible and not jovial. It becomes a chore to fake smiles just because someone has more power over you. It's disgusting Life is traumatizing.

I got so much left to do and all I want is to sleep. It's not fair that I have to be so left behind from others. But I do except blame because it happened to me. Mainly, I wishing for that day of independence. I don't want to stay depressed my whole life.

I wish that were a song. Maybe it would be easier to live without people sometimes. It harder than anything to grow when there's animosity that's so strong in the air. I miss the days when I can just be open about things without compromising what I believe in. Its a strange world we live in. So many wishes made and so many just broken and thrown away. I miss simple life. I miss being content about life. The moments where its calm and you don't have a care in the world about anything. I miss my friends, sometimes I dream of a better life. Writing in journals only solves half of the battle. Well, 25% in all honesty. I miss how nice and childlike my brother used to be. Everyday my siblings are turning into someone who can't feel. All tribute to one person. I wish sometimes my family wouldn't be so harsh about the things I do. I want to so much believe that another day will come and this one is just another layer forgotten. But its not, it builds you and destroys you all at once and you never get that part back.

I wish there was a way I could converse without using raised voices. I only want the best for the world, without sounding too Miss America-like. I want the best for people I care about but what happens when its not reciprocated? Do we start over? Are we parasites in the madness of lies? I miss the simpleness in things. I miss my childhood. The freedom in it mostly.

-Aurora

Hey everyone! I'm feeling really tired now for some reason. Feeling a bit sick too but I'll be OK I guess. My sister just up and left to see my brother in San Diego. That was kind of weird. I think it was for his Birthday or something. As I'm writing this I'm uploading Season 3 for my forums now. I'm so close to finishing it I can't believe it. I just hope people will join and stay around. I've worked so hard on my part (others too not ignoring anyone who helped)
You know, for the longest time I just wanted to escape. Just up and leave like out of nowhere. Like the scene at the end of Good Will Hunting. I think I'm gonna go to bed again. Toodles!

This is first post here. I got a few things to say... I got a new forums. I have tons of media there. Like tons of Will & Grace media as in episodes and specials. I got Seasons 1, 2, 6, 7, & 8 finished and some specials dedicated to the show. We got tons of pictures and other media. TV Shows, pictures, blends. Everything.